Coaching Corner: I promise me
By "Coach" Marilou Butcher Roth
We all make promises at one time or another, some to others and some to ourselves -- I like to think of these as agreements. Agreements are very powerful and can impact our self esteem, confidence and how we navigate ourselves through our business as well as our personal life. There have been countless times that I have written on the subject of agreements and today I want to zoom in closer on the agreements that we make with ourselves.
In my experience, both personally and with clients, I have found that not keeping agreements with ourselves is far more impactful that we can imagine. Part of the issue, I believe, is that we don't think of the promises/agreements we make with ourselves as binding as the ones we make with others. Let's look at some examples.
Many of you have gone to great lengths to draft a business plan, and often times there is more time spent on developing the plan than there is acting on it. When you make a business plan, you are making an agreement with yourself as to how you intend to operate your business. Think about how you feel when you realize all of the time and good intentions around this plan have not come to fruition. You feel lousy!! It may be the type of lousy that is unnoticeable initially but somewhere, there is a part of you that is out of integrity with yourself.
Here is another example -- you decide you will exercise three times each week -- Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Yep -- those are the very best times to embark on your new health plan. You make each day to the gym on the first week and then……something comes up that keeps you from the next scheduled Monday workout. You do a lovely job of rationalizing why you “can't†workout. But again, there is a part of you that this will not sit well with!
So, here's the thing -- agreements with ourselves work exactly as agreements with others. Let's revisit these guidelines around agreements:
- Only make the agreements that are yes's for you.
- If you make an agreement -- keep the agreement.
- If you find that something does come up that requires a change, then change the agreement with yourself.
Let's go back to our examples:
For the Business Plan example, as soon as you find that you are not following the plan, revisit what you have to ensure that what you have identified is doable for you. Perhaps you have identified a type of finding new business that really isn't appealing to you. Make the appropriate changes to create a plan that provides structure that supports you and your business.
For the exercise example, when you find the timing for a Monday workout is not working, determine if you will reschedule to another time or just wait until your Wednesday workout. If you notice that you are consistently having issues with Monday, ask yourself if there is a better day for that third workout.
Do NOT go numb -- stay self aware about what is happening and make the appropriate changes and new agreements. Your personal integrity is critical in how you perceive yourself and the self confidence you feel.
This week, pay attention to agreements that you make (and perhaps break) with yourself. Be kind to yourself with this -- making and keeping clean and clear agreements takes some practice and I promise you, the results are well worth the effort!
