Coaching Corner: I don't know!!
By Marilou Butcher Roth, Master Coach
Many years ago, during one of my coaching trainings, I found myself in this rather uncomfortable place of “I don’t know.” My lack of knowing was not attached to any particular topic, but rather a broader perspective. I felt as if nothing was spelled out, and, the onset of this experience was not making me happy. Because it occurred during a training where we were learning coaching skills along with learning about ourselves, I was able to shift into a much different space. From a place of discomfort and unknowing, to a spacious experience of possibility. Hopefully this makes sense. I realized not only that I didn’t need to have answers, I actually could relax into the feeling of letting things happen. Much nicer! I have kept this felt experience with me since that time, allowing my “I don’t knows” to unfold, rather than freaking out (aka - control). The key to this shift seemed to be curiosity. By asking myself clear and authentic questions, I was able to find a much easier place to co-exist with the blaring “I don’t know!”
Most recently, I am finding myself speaking “I don’t know” quite frequently. It seems to be mostly around COVID, along with a touch of political events. Hmmm...is it OK to see certain family members -- “I don’t know.” How do I feel about _________ -- “I don’t know.” Honestly, it’s happening all of the time. And, this particular “I don’t know” does not feel spacious or full of possibility. It feels yucky! That is a technical term, of course.
Here is what I am wondering about -- how can this new edition of “I don’t know,” feel more open? How can I relax into these words and feelings without the worry? Now, I will tell you, as of yet, I haven’t arrived at any particular answer. What I have discovered is that as I acknowledge the places of unknowingness, they do not seem to be having the same impact as before. I have yet to feel the spaciousness, however, progress is being made.
Have you been experiencing your own version of “I don’t know?” If so, how can you bring curiosity into that space? What questions might you ask yourself. Bringing curiosity into the equation seems to be my best direction. If nothing else, realizing for yourself that it is truly okay to not know. You do not have to have all of the answers immediately. Play along with me to find ease around this.
Did this help you? I don’t know!!!
Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati. Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee. Feel free to contact Marilou to see if coaching is right for you.
