Coaching Corner: The drama triangle
By Marilou Butcher Roth, Master Coach
During my coaching training with The Hendricks Institute, one of the most meaningful tools presented to me was the concept of the Drama Triangle. This is something I use regularly with my coaching clients, and something that has brought me considerable self awareness. Let’s begin here -- our most desired place is to be fully present with life, and yet, often times we find ourselves feeling other than present. Now I want you to imagine a triangle, and on each point I want you to see the following:
First point of the triangle: VILLAIN -- When you are on this point you will typically be in a position of blaming, either yourself or others. You will find yourself judging -- again, either yourself or others. You may find yourself gossiping, justifying, and comparing. When on this point, you can become a bully.
Second point of the triangle: VICTIM -- When you are on this point, you will be at the effect of whatever is happening around you. You may hear yourself saying things like “it’s hard.” You may feel misunderstood or overwhelmed. You might find yourself feeling confused or looking for someone to make things better for you.
Third point of the triangle: HERO -- The hero seeks out ways to find temporary relief. Again, this might be for yourself or others. The hero goes in a different direction than the victim, convinced that he/she can handle things. They seek out solutions to problems, thus avoiding any inner pain they may have.
Here’s the thing -- when you are on any of these three points, you are not living your fully present life. You may find yourself jumping from one point to another, from feeling like a victim to jumping right into blame. This is normal human behavior. The questions is, do you want to stay on the triangle, or do you want to live fully?
Having the awareness if extremely powerful and will provide you with information that will help you. From this place, you can decide how you want to live your life and begin to seek out other options. This takes a bit of patience and practice so be gentle with yourself, and don’t let those points poke you too hard!
Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati. Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee. Feel free to contact Marilou to see if coaching is right for you.
