#CoachingCorner: Clean Up Your “No’s”
By Marilou Butcher Roth, Master Coach
This week a theme has presented itself, both within my coaching practice as well as with the people I am closest to. This happens often. That theme has been around being able to comfortably say “no” and the perceived fallout that occurs when that word is spoken.
Let’s face it, most of us experience varying degrees of discomfort when it comes to actually saying no. Sometimes it is due to not wanting to rock any boats or being disliked. Or perhaps, we think we should (not my favorite word) do whatever we are being asked to do. Regardless of the reasoning behind our avoidance, when we do actually voice that lovely no, it is often accompanied with large doses of justification. Why?
When you are posed with a situation or question that brings forth your “no,” can you do so without giving countless reasons to justify your response? Have your “no” be a clean one. Think of a time or situation where you have complete certainty of your “no.” In that situation, my guess is that you would not have any sense that you need to justify. Let’s have a bit of fun with this one: imagine that you are out for a fun evening with your family, and you are approached by someone you don’t know. This person walks up, and for whatever reason blows cigarette smoke into the faces of you and your loved ones. Would you just stand there, inhaling second-hand smoke? Nope, you would not! Without question, you would tell this interloper to stop. At the very least, you would scoop up your family and walk away. Either way, there would absolutely not be even a single iota of explaining to this person all of the reasons that you want them to stop.
When something is a no for you, allow it to be just that. If you are being asked to do something that you do not want to do, be okay with that and simply voice, “thank you for thinking of me, and right now that doesn’t work.” It’s totally appropriate to say no, if in fact, it is a no.
Pay attention to anytime that you notice you are saying yes when it truly is a no. And,if you do say no, please do not jump into endless rationale as to why. Not necessary! Are you willing to experiment with this one? If you find yourself answering “no,” just move on!
Marilou Butcher Roth
Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati.
Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee.
