Coaching Corner: Who Is To Blame?
Yes, this is a trick question! The answer to this is no one! Today I want to address the concept of taking healthy responsibility, and how this is often misinterpreted by many. For the vast majority, when something goes amiss, one of the first questions, either spoken out loud or silently is “Whose fault is it?” The following questions come directly from the work of The Conscious Leadership Group. Take a minute and look at these:
• Who did it?
• Why did it happen?
• What is the root cause?
• Who participated in the chain of events that led to this?
• Who dropped the ball?
• Who’s going to fix it?
These are all seemingly normal questions to be asked when problems have presented themselves. Does this line of questioning prompt forward movement? Typically, the answer is "no". When we swim around in the above questions, we often find someone (or many someones) who shares our woe, and it can become even more challenging to move to a solution.
Let’s try on some other questions, again from The Conscious Leadership Group:
• What do I really want?
• If there were no obstacles, what would I be doing with my creative energy?
• Am I willing to learn whatever it is I need to learn about this situation?
• Am I willing to see all others involved as my allies?
• Am I willing to see myself as empowered in this situation?
• How can I play with this situation?
• Where and when do I feel most alive?
• What am I distracting myself from doing or knowing?
I can hear the groans from here! This is an entirely different way to view things, isn’t it? What is left if we cannot blame someone (or ourselves)?
If you can focus on what you truly want, you can create a shift that will lead you to a solution. When you are stuck in the blame game, locating your creative energy is challenging. How can you reconnect with creating?
Ah, learning. Yes, this can often be a hard pill to swallow, and yet, realize that there is an opportunity to learn something about yourself with every opportunity, regardless of the direction it has come.
What about seeing others as your allies? Eek! This has always been a rough one for me, and one that I consistently give my attention to. Regardless of who or how anyone who can generate learning for you can be considered your ally. Try not to push too hard against this one, be open to how this concept might benefit you.
What would happen if you shifted your attention to activities that generated a feeling of aliveness within you?
Asking yourself honestly if there is something you are distracting yourself from doing or knowing can be so freeing, albeit not always at the surface.
I invite you to keep these questions accessible so that you have them when situations present themselves. Chances are, you may not agree with some (or all) of the second group of questions. Keep them anyway. You may find that over time, they begin to make sense, and, can create more ease around uncomfortable situations.
Marilou Butcher Roth
Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati.
Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee.
