Coaching Corner: Fear Revisited
by Marilou Butcher Roth
Master Coach
Today is Friday the 13th, and try as I might, I have yet to find a satisfactory explanation as to why this day (and other Fridays the 13th) is considered bad luck. What does it mean for you? Do you consider it at all?
What comes to mind for me is the topic of “Fear Flags,” which was introduced to me by Kathleen Hendricks during my coaching apprenticeship. These are so incredibly helpful and something I use regularly in my life, both business and personal. Each of these is an example of how fear presents itself. Let’s break these down:
- FIGHT | When someone is in this space, they may become argumentative or defensive. They will typically not be able to hear any logic that you may try to give them, so don’t try. I have found in these cases that giving the conversation and the person some space works the best.
- FLEE | This doesn’t necessarily mean someone will physically leave, however, that might happen. You may also hear something like “I’m done!” from a fleeing person. Similarly, trying to present your side or any logic will most probably fall on deaf ears. Again, space can be pretty helpful here.
- FAINT | Hopefully you will not find someone fainting at your feet. The best way I have found to describe this particular flag is that someone gets “fuzzy.” They may have been totally clear just a few minutes before and yet now, they cannot seem to locate that grounded place they were just in. One way I have found helpful on this one is to change the conversation to something that is clear, not ambiguous. During contractual negotiations, I have seen this one countless times within the real estate industry.
- FREEZE | Ah, my personal favorite! When fear creeps into my brain, my typical go-to response is to freeze. When this happens, everything shuts down: movement, breath, conversation. One excellent way to shift this response is to move. If you are with someone who is clearly in freeze, you may suggest a short walk or stretching.
Here’s the thing, we all experience these, both within ourselves and observing it with others. When you can notice without judgment that fear is probably at the base of these behaviors, it can allow us to feel more empathy. Also, see that when someone is acting out from one of these flags, you may jump into one of your own. I know for myself that when someone is in FIGHT, it puts me right into FREEZE. It's compelling and can give you the information you need to navigate certain conversations.
So on this particular Friday the 13th, I invite you to play with these flags and identify which one(s) are your own go-to’s. And...don’t be afraid.
Marilou Butcher Roth
Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati.
Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee.
