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Coaching Corner: Grumble, grumble, grumble

By “Coach” Marilou Butcher Roth

We’ve all done it — complained about situations that are not to our liking. Think about it, do you honestly feel better after venting about your upset? Do you find comfort and ease by re-creating the unhappy event? Well, you might actually say yes to those questions. Now, try this one…does your comfort and ease continue? For me, the answer is no! I might find temporary relief in my initial rant, and then it goes downhill from there. Complaining for the sake of complaining is not going to get you what you want!

One of my brilliant friends, Christine, had a beautiful post on Facebook the other day, which included a line that resonated throughout my entire body — “You must grow up beyond your complaint.” Wow! It’s easy to find what is wrong and complain about it, isn’t it? How easy is it to go inward to find what is happening for you personally within the event in question? Not quite as easy, but, oh so important!

The challenge is to look within yourself when you are worked up, and ready to complain to someone. Hit the venting pause button, go within yourself, and determine what experience you are having right this minute. Are you feeling some fear, or sadness perhaps? Most often with a complaint, anger is the emotion that is running the show. Pay attention if that is the case — go deeper with your self questioning, as to what may be happening beneath the mask of anger. Take responsibility for your experience, no matter what it is, notice, without judgement. When you can move in this healthier direction, you may feel differently about calling your trusted friend that is the recipient of your venting.

Think about these steps when you feel yourself ready to grumble:

  1. What am I experiencing? Focus your attention inward, use your breathing to assist you. Notice what you notice — emotions, body sensations, words that might come into your awareness.
  2. Ask yourself “what do I want in this situation?” Uncomfortable events often bring clarity to what we don’t want, and its so easy to get stuck in the web of this. Once you know what you don’t want, you can use this information as a springboard or bridge to know what you do want!
  3. Put your attention on the newly formed desire! Shift your thoughts and any actions into this exciting direction. If you are coming from this focused place, your actions will be inspired actions, rather than “should” actions.
  4. Be kind to yourself!

You hold the choice of each moment! Choose wisely!!


Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati.

Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee. Feel free to contact Marilou to see if coaching is right for you: Marilou@mbr-group.com


Tags: Coaching Corner, training